“I feel numb and some things don’t seem real - What’s going on?”

This question, or ones like it, pop up fairly often. And I get it. It can be really disconcerting and scary when it happens. 

First of all, you’re not going crazy. This is a natural response to overwhelming stress and danger signals.

Listening to Linkin Park's Numb was the first time I realised that it was something other people experience. The lines “I've become so numb, I can't feel you there, Become so tired, So much more aware. I'm becoming this, All I want to do, Is be more like me, And be less like you.” resonated with me so much. Or maybe it was the way that Chester sang it all that really made the words hit home.

Feeling emotionally numb is also called dissociation which includes a range of other experiences too. Broadly speaking, dissociation refers to a disconnect with yourself and/or the world around you and it is your mind's way of protecting you from intense levels of stress that are overwhelming you.

Signs that you are dissociating.

There are a variety of ways in which you can experience this so below you will find some of the signs. It is very much a spectrum so you may dissociate to varying degrees and this can change from one episode to the next.

• You can feel numb, empty or otherwise detached from your emotions.

• You can feel like you are outside of your body and are observing yourself from this outside perspective.

• You can feel disconnected from your body - it can feel like it’s a robot or like it doesn’t belong to you.

• The people around you don’t quite feel real. They may seem motionless, dead, feel mechanical like robots or like actors playing a role. 

• Everything can look foggy, cartoonish or 2D.

• Things can seem to be really far away from you when they actually aren’t.

• Feeling separated from what’s going on like you are watching a film.

• Your sense of time can get confused or distorted. Things can seem to happen in slow motion or very quickly.

• The world can feel unreal like it’s a film, simulation or dream.

• You might forget things like where you are or who you are.

• Sounds may be very loud or muffled.

• Colours may be duller or brighter than normal.

While I have provided you with an overview here of various ways that you could be dissociating, this is not a complete list.

There are two different types of dissociation: derealisation and depersonalisation. As the names suggest, derealisation typically involves the symptoms where there’s some distortion in how you experience the world around you while depersonalisation typically involves the symptoms that are related to how you experience your own body, thoughts and feelings. 

“OK, so how can I stop it from happening?”

Whether you dissociate for longer periods or shorter periods, very often or only rarely, there are ways to reduce the severity and the likelihood of it happening. Grounding techniques can be great tools for helping you to reconnect with your body and surroundings. You can reduce your stress levels by taking action to build up your own personal stress buffer, as I like to call it. Your stress buffer is built up through things like regular exercise (yes, walking and yoga count - it is better if you can pick up the pace a bit though with brisk walking, cycling, swimming etc), eating healthily (put down the chocolate bar or bag of crisps and pick up a small portion of nuts or vegetables with fresh dip) and getting proper quality sleep.

“What if I’m looking for something more than just tips on how I can help myself?”

With the help of a mental health professional, you can explore the cause of your dissociation as well as working on your coping mechanisms and your ability to manage your emotions. It really is crucial to learn about emotions if you are prone to dissociating. A lot of what I do with clients centres around accepting their experiences and learning how to work with and control feelings, thoughts etc.

Some people find that working with an EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing) therapist as well can help. Both of these should only be undertaken with a therapist who knows about treating dissociation. EMDR does require you to be stable before starting and some therapists encourage clients to engage in a talking therapy alongside the EMDR sessions.

You can always send me an email at office@caroledianecoaching.co.uk to find out how I can help you.

There really is hope for tackling this.

Master your emotions with Carole.

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